Blog · Planning ahead

How to Plan for Aging Parents Before a Crisis

Talking about it doesn't make it happen. Not talking about it is what costs you.

By Shanda Deshield, founder of One More Favor · October 14, 2026

I believe the best time to plan for an aging parent is on a boring Tuesday, when nothing is wrong.

Most families plan in the emergency room. Someone falls, someone gets a diagnosis, someone doesn't answer the phone, and suddenly you're trying to find an insurance card, a list of medications, and a phone number for a doctor you've never met, all at once.

I know nobody wants to think about this on a regular day. It feels morbid, or rude, or like you're expecting the worst. You're not. You're making sure that when something does happen, you can be with your parent instead of on hold.

Caregivers say it plainly: the paperwork can be harder than the care. Here's how to get ahead of it.

The P.E.A.C.E. method: five things to gather

At One More Favor, everything we do follows five words. Think of them as five folders. You don't fill them all at once. You fill one, then the next.

P is for Papers

The documents someone will ask for in a hurry: ID, Medicare or insurance cards, a list of medications and doctors, the will if there is one, the deed, and any papers that say who can make decisions for your parent if they can't. Start by knowing where each one is. You don't have to hold them. You just have to be able to find them.

E is for Entitlements

What your parent receives or is owed: Social Security, a pension, veterans' benefits, life insurance. Write down which ones exist and who to call for each.

Keep on file: the Social Security benefit award letter. If your parent gets Social Security, SSI, or Medicare, keep a current copy of their benefit verification letter (Social Security also calls it a "benefits letter" or "proof of award letter"). It is the proof of income people are asked for when applying for things like housing or other help. Your parent can print one anytime from their my Social Security account, or call 1-800-772-1213 and ask for one by mail. One thing to know: you generally can't print it online for someone else, so get it while your parent can log in or call.

A is for Agreements

Leases, contracts, subscriptions, loans, and the phone plan. These keep running whether anyone is watching or not. A list keeps surprises off the table.

C is for Costs

The bills that come every month and how they're paid: utilities, insurance premiums, the car, the house. If your parent was in the hospital for two weeks, would anything get missed?

E is for Everyone

The people. Who to call first. The doctor, the pharmacist, the insurance agent, the neighbor with the spare key, the friend from church. Names and numbers on one page.

The order that works

1. Start with Everyone. It's the easiest and the least personal. Parents rarely refuse to share their doctor's name.
2. Then Papers. Just locations at first: "Where do you keep your insurance card?"
3. Then Costs. What bills come each month, so nothing gets missed during a hospital stay.
4. Entitlements and Agreements last. These feel the most private. By now, trust is built.

The permissions question

One thing families wish they'd done sooner: setting up the papers that let someone speak for a parent if they can't. Caregivers describe learning this in the middle of a crisis, when hospital staff couldn't share information or the family didn't know what their parent wanted. These documents are legal ones, and the rules vary by state. An elder law attorney can set them up. My job is to help you know they exist and get them on your list, so you can ask about them before you need them.

What planning doesn't mean

It doesn't mean taking over. Your parent stays in charge of their own life. Planning means that if they ever can't speak for themselves, you can speak for them the way they would have. That's not control. That's love with a pen.

Your one step this week

Take one sheet of paper and write "Everyone" at the top. Fill in five names and numbers your parent would want called. That's the first folder, done.

Which folder is the hardest one in your family? Tell me at onemorefavor@gmail.com.