Blog · After a loss
What to Do When a Parent Dies: The First Week, in Order
You don't have to do everything this week. You only have to do the next right thing.
By Shanda Deshield, founder of One More Favor · October 14, 2026
I believe the hardest part of losing a parent isn't the paperwork. It's being handed the paperwork while your heart is somewhere else.
If you're here because your mother or father just died, I'm so sorry. Take a breath. Most of what feels urgent right now isn't. A small number of things matter this week. The rest can wait, and waiting is allowed.
Here is the first week, in the order it usually goes. Skip anything that doesn't apply to your family. Rules vary by state, so treat this as a map, not legal advice.
Day 1 to 2: the first calls
1. Get the death pronounced
If your parent died in a hospital, hospice, or care facility, the staff handles this. If they died at home under hospice care, call the hospice nurse. If the death was unexpected at home, call 911.
2. Call the funeral home
They'll guide the next steps and arrange to move your parent. If your parent pre-arranged a funeral or left written wishes, look for that paperwork first. It may already answer questions you're dreading.
3. Tell the people closest to them
Close family and friends first, by phone. You can ask one person to help spread the word so you're not making every call yourself.
4. Secure the home, the car, the mail, and any pets
Lock the house. Make sure someone is caring for pets. Ask a neighbor to collect mail if the home will be empty.
Day 2 to 4: the paperwork that unlocks everything else
5. Order certified death certificates
The funeral home usually orders these for you. Banks, insurers, and agencies will each want one, and many want an original, not a copy. Ask for more than you think you need.
6. Look for the will and other key papers
Check the obvious places: a desk, a file box, a fireproof safe, a safe deposit box. Look for a will, a trust, life insurance policies, the deed, and any letter of instructions. Don't throw anything away yet.
7. Let Social Security know
In most cases, the funeral home reports the death to Social Security. Confirm with them that they did. If your parent received benefits, a payment that arrives after the month of death usually has to be returned, so don't spend money that lands in their account after they've passed until you know whether it has to go back.
Day 4 to 7: protect, don't settle
8. Notify their employer or pension, if they had one
Ask about final pay, life insurance through work, and any survivor benefits.
9. Start a call log
Write down every call: the date, the company, the person's name, and what they said. You'll be told different things by different people. A log keeps you sane.
10. Protect their identity and accounts
Don't close accounts yet. Do write down what exists: bank, credit cards, phone, email, utilities, subscriptions. You'll need the list later, and the person handling the estate (the executor) decides what gets closed and when.
What can wait
Paying their debts out of your own pocket. Selling the house. Cleaning out the closets. Closing every account. Making big decisions about money. None of this has to happen this week, and some of it shouldn't. If you're the executor, an estate attorney in your parent's state can tell you what's required and when.
The part nobody warns you about
I know some of you are reading this thinking, "Nobody told me where anything is." That's the most common way this goes. The phone is locked. The email is a mystery. The bank is a guess. You're not doing it wrong. Nobody wrote it down. Nobody ever does.
You can still get through it. It just takes longer, one call at a time. And you are your own best bet here: everyone else can support you, but you hold the pen.
Your one step today
Get a notebook. Write today's date at the top and start the call log. Everything else builds from there.
If you're in the middle of this right now, you're not alone. Write to me at onemorefavor@gmail.com and tell me where you're stuck.